Thursday, January 20, 2011

Happy January!

It's been a bit of a mixed bag here recently.  Great holidays, lots of time spent with family, got offered a permanent position, but am feeling a little....out of sorts I guess.  The money situation is getting me down, and I'm trying my damnedest to earn extra money, but it's hard.  Also, I've been feeling that I don't really belong anywhere- I have all these interests, but I don't fit in with any of the groups I'm involved in.  And at times, I feel like I'm a square peg trying to fit into a round hole. 
  My job is great- love it.  However, I'm one of the few that has a college degree, and used to have my dream job.  Everyone else is working crap jobs trying to make ends meet, no college, whatever.  So I don't fit in there- I feel like they have no idea why I'm working there.  Make sense? 
  The organization that I belong to- everyone is professional, very few SAHM's, and those that are are so professional and polished.  I feel like I stick out like a sore thumb there.  I'm the one that comes to meetings in yoga pants and a tshirt. 
  I want to be a farmer, and raise chickens and bees.  I want my son to be in FFA and 4H.  That totally doesn't fit in with either of the two things that I've described above.  I'm me, and I'm unique, I get that, I just wish that sometimes, I didn't feel like I was the only one who had all these diverse interests.  I think if I told anyone in my organization about my farming dreams, they'd laugh at me.  The other job, probably not, because there are some people who do live on larger acreage, and would understand my dream.  I don't know.  That's what I keep coming back to- I don't know.  I'm probably not supposed to know yet either.  And I'm fine with that, I'd just like to know a direction! 

1 comment:

  1. I completely understand! I started working in December and it was a disaster for us because I didn't fit there (you know with cheesemaking and ordering spring seeds and chicks) and my home life became crazy. I could have written this myself :)
    I'm now back to being a SAHM, we'll make the sacrifices because this works best for us.
    I saw you were home shopping in some prior posts...what area? feel free to email me if you feel comfortable with that. We've been home shopping too. melodydeluryatyahoodotcom